Prayers Day of and Leading up to

This year of pre-covenant didn't look anything like I expected it to look. Never did I envision me living across the country, planning a covenant day by myself. In completely transparency, there were times where it was really tough and lonely. I wanted to sit with my mom and talk about tables and dresses and candles. I wanted to go with Luke to pick out his wedding band. I wanted to be in the shop when Dad was putting up the cross he made for the alter. I missed out on a lot and it hurt. But one thing I did miss out on that I'm counting my blessings for is the distraction.

Yes, our covenant day is going to look a little different than most. And honestly, the fear of "being different" is an insecurity I pray to overcome every day, but all-in-all it's going to be different. The Lord placed this vision of our wedding day on our hearts a long time ago. I knew what it was supposed to look like and I loved it. I couldn't wait for it. But I also didn't realize how difficult it would be to execute logically and didn't anticipate the "um, I don't get it" reactions I would get from family and friends who mean well, but have other pictures and traditions they cling to when they think of Mattie and Luke's wedding.

The few times I was home this year, I would get bombarded by questions. "Well, why don't you have a wedding party? Wait, so you aren't having a reception the day of? Do you have your dress yet? What color are your linens? Which florist are you using?" I mean I could go on and on. Again, people really do mean well and I appreciated their willingness to inquire and interest in our day, but what was tough about that was the reaction we got whenever I would answer those questions. The "oh, that's interesting" with a weird smug. I could handle it up to a certain point, but being drowned in it would eventually lead me down this black whole of re-questioning everything we had decided. "Wait, should I already have wedding shoes? Should I have not done it this way?" You guys get the point. So the one huge blessing from being across the country was that I got to avoid that most of the year! I got to be just me and Jesus and the vision He gave us and I got to live that out. And I got to prepare my heart for marriage instead of focusing on this one day and all the little details that seriously didn't matter to us. Yes, I care about the way the tables will look and believe He gave us the freedom to make things beautiful in a way that reflect His beauty and creativity, but I didn't want to care about it so much to the point where it consumed me and brought anxiety and triggered this impression management I battle with.

Well, this year has been beautiful. And I've looked forward to these next few weeks leading up to the wedding for a long time. I really can't believe it's here. But these next few weeks are going to be crazy and I am going to be up to my neck in quick decisions, a lot of attention, and a lot of opinions. I have a running list of wedding week prayers in my journal and below are just a few you can join me in.

- I pray for Jesus to rid the distractions leading up to and on the covenant day. For Luke and me to continue to focus on what matters despite the chaos that will come from being in Louisiana and with friends and family who don't quite "get it."

- I pray for patience with my friends and family and with Luke. 

- I pray for quality time with my family and stillness with Luke so that I can taste, see, smell, hear, and feel the goodness that will come from Jesus in these next few important days.

- I pray for strength, physically and emotional, for my family as they work their butts off to make each beautiful detail come into fruition.

- I pray for complete dependence on Jesus, especially in the area of finances (I still don't have a job.)

- I pray for Holy Spirit led sentiment in my life. I sometimes have a hard time with being sentimental. I want to be able to outwardly show how I inwardly feel when it comes to my gratefulness of my family and friends and the joy that I'm feeling each moment. I want to be able to say it. Out loud. I want to be able to show it. 

And for the wedding day:

- I pray for salvation to spring up from the ground. For everyone to meet Jesus in ways that are familiar and ways that are new. I want our day to help shape the way others view covenant marriage and Christ and His Bride. I pray for those who don't believe in marriage as just man and wife to not feel excluded or judged. I pray for community and hospitality. I pray no one feels left out and everyone feels welcomed. I pray that people will genuinely feel at home and that their presence was, is, and will be crucial in our story.

It's going to be a freakin' big day and I already can't stop crying. Thanks for being a part of the journey.

xo. Mattie