A New Season

I was laid off this week. Along with my entire division and 70 other folks at ModCloth. It was abrupt, painful, and the trauma of that day still stings. And so here I am again. Jobless, no next professional step in the horizon, and seemingly alone in the big bay city.

But here is the thing, I don't feel alone. What I feel is supported, peace, stillness, secure. Not a year ago I was in a similar situation in my career where I didn't know what was next and it was one of the most memorable seasons in my walk. I remember coming out of it and then yearning for it back. There is a whole new level of intimacy that comes with your Lord when everything around you is fuzzy and dark, but you wake up clinging to the rock that is familiar, reciting the promises that were made to you. I know I won't miss anything in heaven, but if I could, it would be faith.

This time there isn't as much discipline needed. Before, I had to wake up every morning and read this one prayer, listen to this sermon series, meditate on these scriptures, act myself into a new way of feeling about the situation, begging for contentment. Growing up in a land of legalism, I overcorrected and dipped a little too deep into the freedom waters. I had the perspective of "If I don't feel it, I'm not going to do it for works' sake." Last year Jesus taught me discipline and this year I'm still seeing the fruit from those months. 

Because now...I feel it! I feel security. I feel hope. I feel taken care of. Yes, severance and unemployment checks are tangible evidences of his provision this time around, but you know what else is contributing? Luke. This year I feel supported in a way I couldn't understand last year. I was Mattie - singular. I had a boyfriend who loved and cared more than anything, but I didn't have a fiance. Now I have a (soon to be) husband. This close to the covenant, I can feel the oneness of Mattie and Luke, and I need not worry. For so long before the promise of covenant, I felt the need to look out for myself especially financially. But now I have this incredible support system that is at a different level, and the Lord sure is showing off through it. 

I ask you to continue to pray for our understanding of oneness and the weaving that will take place that is our lives separately and together. For every bump, every detour, and every stop sign, that we will cling to the promises we know and continue to lean on the sovereignty that has been revealed to us so many times in our lives. Pray for Luke during this season as he cares and comforts from afar, that his confidence is weighted only in the abilities he's been called to, understanding where his limits meet His strength.

Pray for me especially in the areas of stillness. May I understand and find the balance between doing and resting. That the Holy Spirit would lift the weight of "what's next." That I would stand still and see the great thing The Lord is gonna do before my eyes (1 Samuel 12:16). That we won't be weighed down by the anxiety of seeking "God's will", but only find our strength in seeking God, knowing that any next step we take if rooted in Him is the right one. Pray that our oneness is amplified in ways that are familiar and ways that are new as we get closer to our covenant in this season. 

Thank you for walking alongside. 

xo. Mattie
 

P.S. Below is a prayer I pray every morning now. Taken and reworded from Come to Me by Bethel.

You are The Lord my God, you go before me now. You stand beside me, you're all around me. Though I feel you're far away, you're closer than my breath. You are with me more than I know. 

You are The Lord my peace, no evil will conquer me. Steady now my heart and mind. I come into your rest. Oh, let my faith arise. Lift up my weary head. You are with me wherever I go. 

I come to you, you're all I need.
I come to you, you're everything.
I come to you, you're all I need.
I come to you, you're my everything.

You are my anchor in the wind and the waves. You are my steadfast so I won't be afraid. Though my heart and flesh may fail me, you're my faithful strength. You are with me wherever I go.

I come to you, you're all I need.
I come to you, you're everything.
I come to you, you're all I need.
I come to you, you're my everything.

I won't look to the right or to the left, I'm keeping my eyes on you. I will not be shaken, I will not be moved. You are the hand to hold, you are the truth, you are the way. I come to you, come to you, cause you are all I need.